I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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