Your face is a jimmy john
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
