His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
