i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think my vagina is haunted
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
