I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
