you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
