Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
