We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Success! We fucked roommates!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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