I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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