I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
