So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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