I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
