dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
