I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
