after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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