if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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