I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
