The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
