Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
