yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
