A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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