we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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