I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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