just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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