I was born with a shot glass in my hand
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
