Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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