Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
