im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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