I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
