he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
