You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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