You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
