um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this will be a night to untag.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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