I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
