Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
