Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize