This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
