I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
