Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize