i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
