come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Randomize
