I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So much rum. So many feels.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
