she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
