your room smells of hookers.
And success
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
