the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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