i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
