the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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