ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
