Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
