**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
