I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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