Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
