You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
