just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
