Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
this hospital has no fireball
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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