i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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