My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize