How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
