she takes plan B like it's going out of style
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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