I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
