I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
