I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
