Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
