WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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