We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
