he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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