1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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