her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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