At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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