Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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