I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
