everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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