That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
