and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
