We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
