glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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